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SEPTEMBER 12, 2008 – LASSITER’S LETTERS: MORE FROM THE VAULT

You know what drives me nuts? I’ll tell you. My schedule. It keeps changing. As a Cop I’m on 24/7 but I do work a regular shift too. I’m supposed to be on Friday nights. I’ve always been on Friday nights. I’ve built my social life, such as it is, around the fact that if it’s Friday night, I’m on. Suddenly, it’s Friday night and I’m not on. I can’t keep track anymore.

I think I know the problem. Schwarz’s league night down at Sunset Lanes changed to Thursday nights and he doesn’t want to lose a shift so he’s hijacked my Fridays. He’s been sweet-talking Vick’s Administrative Assistant, Granados, for months and she’s managed to mess things up for me.

This doesn’t just affect me, it messes everybody else up too. I’ve got 75 Civil War re-enactors expecting me to be on a horse out in the field Saturday afternoons. Dobson and Van Pelt rely on me to get them into my gun club on Friday mornings and I’ve had to cancel Sunday brunch with my mother three weeks in a row. Come to think of it… switching things up every now and then can be a good thing.

All right, enough bitching and moaning. Last time I out I promised to get to a few of your letters. Lets get to it:

How do you feel about the fact that most of the stories people are telling about you make you out to be Shawn’s lover? Considering how much you seem to dislike each other – detest seems a bit TOO harsh, though probably more valid – how does it make you feel, or what are your views, on this matter?

Sincerely,
Cai

Cai,

As God is my witness, I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.

Lassie, you are SO cool. You know, I dont think anyone gives you enough credit. You’r the one who does most of the hard work while Shawn hogs the glory that should be yours. You’re a tottally cool guy, and I watch Psych mostly just to see you. No I’m not a stalker, and no I’m not joking. Rock on Lassie.

Jeanne R.

Dear Jeanne R.,

While you may not have the best grammar, I can tell that you are a very smart and perceptive girl. You are also very kind. Thank you and remember, stay in school and say ‘No’ to drugs.

It sometimes seems as if you are interested in Julie? Are you? By the way, you are a hunk, and I am sure you will have a date fairly soon if you get out more.

SANDRA C.

Dear Sandra C.,

As I’ve said before, I have no romantic interest in Det. O’Hara. Yes, she is an attractive woman and a hell of a shot, but we are coworkers and anything more would be both inappropriate and against department policy. Plus I go more for the brunettes.

Dear Detective Lassiter,

We all know that you’re going through a rough patch in life…after all, anyone can read between the lines…Which leads me to my next question; when are you going to finalize the divorce? Hang in there and keep on keepin’ on. Also, I really like your hair; salt and pepper is distinguished, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I bet Shawn wishes he had hair like that.

All my love,
Vinya

Well Vinya, it’s true, things in my life have not exactly turned out the way I had anticipated. No one who ever walks down the aisle imagines that they will live anything but ‘happily ever after’. But hopefully it is just what you said, a ‘rough patch’. I know this much though, I didn’t have a single gray hair on my head until Spencer careened into my life.

Hey Lassiter,

Do you like swing dancing? Would you like to take me to a Lindy Hop?

Kerry E.

Hey Kerry,

I do enjoy a good turn around the floor but unfortunately we had to shut down the last Lindy Hop joint a few years back. Turns out they were running bathtub gin out of the place. It’s too bad, too. They had a great house band. Man, could those cats wail.

Time for one more:

Dear Detective Lassiter,

How does it feel to be better looking than Shawn Spencer?

Megan G.

Dear Megan,

I’m not gonna lie to you. It feels pretty damn good!

Thanks for all your letters. More answers next time.

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